Chapter 13
Making Flaws and Failures Your Best Friend

Fearlessness in Facing Challenges Head-On

We were at the playground with our children the other day.  We challenged them to try to go across the hanging bars.  They could not do it, shied away from the challenge and went onto other play things. No matter what was said to them, avoiding it was their response to the challenge.  We explained that the reason they could not cross the bars was that their muscles were not developed and also that they were afraid of the discomfort. So instead we challenged them to a simpler step which was to simply hang on the bars for as long as they could without trying to cross.  They tried it once but they never tried it again that day. They know that each time we go back we will challenge them again because we explained there is more going on than just development of strength. There is also the realization of the importance of working on things that you know are difficult. We realize that they will not be children forever and they need to be prepared to confront and conquer challenges rather than run from or avoid them.  

Personally, as adults we have run from some challenges and embraced others. We believe that some of our favorite things to do are among those that we find most difficult and challenging. Most people never make it to this level because they don’t realize the importance of taking the route that leads to it early on in their life. We try to challenge ourselves by tackling difficult tasks such as writing this book which is a natural extension of developing our conscious. We do find writing and communicating complex thoughts and ideas difficult just as is learning an instrument, maintaining a balanced diet, excelling in academic pursuits, developing athletic abilities, etc. One of the things that we find a worthy challenge is our search for ways to instill good values in our children while not being restrictive and controlling but allow them to think and develop naturally and on their own.  These things we find most difficult because these things are also the most valuable and we want to get them right without the ability to know how as we go along.  

Things that one person finds difficult may be easy for another. In our own personal experience, things that we find easy that others may not are artistic expression and physical exertion. In these areas our failings and flaws have not served us as much as others because growth has come more naturally. One might say it’s because we’re talented in these areas but to develop in an area of talent still requires challenges to be placed in front of one in order to grow and excel in that area. We may not perceive the challenges as difficult because we have more proficiency in that area over another. If we became more desirous to only develop the areas that came more naturally and easily, we would be limiting the total well-rounded growth potential that we seek.

For instance, when I was a teenager I desired to learn to play the drums but had no actual ability whatsoever which made development very slow and the challenge more difficult for myself than perhaps another. However, I viewed it this way at the time: while learning to play the drums was a difficult challenge, it was nowhere near as difficult a challenge in my mind as learning to play the piano since the latter required the ability to read musical notes, feeling for music and rhythm and highly developed coordination all of which I did not possess. I bolstered my confidence to take on the challenge of learning to play the drums by taking on a more reachable challenge. As a result, I conquered the challenge of learning to play the drums. Having accomplished this, I now am more confident to challenge myself to now learn the piano. My confidence came not just from proving to myself that I could do what I set out to do, but more importantly, I realized that through my accomplishment, I added to my confidence and repertoire of skills to help me face future challenges. So in essence, by acting on my faith to take on a difficult challenge, I was rewarded two-fold. One was the accomplishment of the challenge, of which I anticipated, but I was even more excited by the unexpected realization of the second reward which was a feeling and enjoyment for developing my music abilities that was not there prior. With my new-found abilities in the areas of coordination, understanding of rhythm and feel for music, I have found uses that aid in throughout all other areas of my life so much so that the effect is impossible to fully comprehend. This in itself can be considered the greatest gift of all. As a second byproduct, at this point learning to play the piano seemed a more reachable goal as well.

This is how I?have personally learned that the most important part of consciously undertaking what one considers difficult is the most important key to opening up valuable portholes to vast new areas in one’s life. One will come to see on so many levels, even unconscious ones, the development of areas which your natural tendencies may not have led you to without the faith and confidence to take that first step. Breaking the inertia that your natural tendencies as a person coupled with one’s natural disposition that one was born with can open a floodgate of positive growth. You have heard it said that a body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. This law of physics when harnessed and placed into effect in your life will yield rich results. Because you broke the inertia by conquering the challenges you set for yourself, the developments in other areas of your life will multiply exponentially. In essence, you receive value from what you have pursued in all areas of your life far beyond that which your initial goal was.

If one finds themselves to be severely inept in a given area of their life, they may become fearful of it and adopt the stance of avoidance. This stance of avoidance will take your life in a totally different direction. It is our assertion that only negative things can come from this. I, personally, am aware of every choice of significance that I have ever made because the framework remains for all-time and can be traced. Ideas never die. Trivial facts can be easily forgotten. I have built my life on ideas and their lingering effects continue to gain my daily progress. Admittedly, I?know I have made mistakes. But even a mistake that comes from flaw and failure can become a benefit when the lessons are learned and understood. Thus when I have a problem, I can trace it back to my childhood and how the choices I have made lead up to where I am today. This can be helpful on some levels but when you are not in the habit of structuring your conscience in this way it is also difficult to master.  It is never too late to begin building this framework and represents a challenge that every individual should place in front of themselves.

A personal experience can further illustrate this concept. Recently, personal finances, or the lack of, were getting me down and the negativity had leached into every aspect of my psyche and gotten ahold of me. I was feeling quite blue and depressed. I was having difficulty breaking the grip of the negative feelings my situation was bestowing upon me and wondered where I had gone wrong in my life to have gotten to such a state. But then I realized that I cannot possibly know the eventual outcome if I had made a different choice at each place in my life. I realized that I can reach places of equal significance with the choices that I have made but I would have to face and become comfortable with the fact that they were just going to have to be alternative ones.

In other words, if I can help myself and help the world being the person that I currently am, then that would show that I am in an acceptable place in my life and that will be enough.  All the alternative choices I could have made lose all relevance. All I have to do to insure my success is come to realize this concept and be sure the positive end result of the sum of all my best choices is achieved. This is the real value of a person’s life. A peace can be established through the realization that one cannot recreate themself nor do they need to. I cannot recreate myself and be the person I thought I would be if I took other steps and choices so why try.  If I can succeed in my mission now, I can be assured all my choices were good ones and that only good will come out of them. The difficult part for me personally is the bearing of the place I find myself at any given time because I realize that the significance of what I believe my purpose is may or may not be as of yet accomplished. One must find comfort in the fact that they may never know for sure in definable terms all that they have accomplished within their lifetime. All that one can know is that they are doing the best that they can by accepting challenges they deem important. To feel comfortable in one's own skin can be difficult.  The goal is to welcome flaw and failure as your best friends that bring growth and change and heightened conscious.