The essence of working through this type of problem is simple. The problems come from the fact that problems with blame are often unperceived by a person and thus, heavily entrenched from your long term allowance of it to live and thrive in them. So as always the first step is all about the creation and application of a new perspective and enhanced perception ability that one will then offer themself so that they can see and understand the totality of the whole thing. Once one can do this they can easily remove what was once standing in their way. Once the motivation is there to apply the new perspective the change and healing becomes automatic as with everything else that my counsel can help with.

Consider yourself honestly. Do you ever try to change people? Do you feel that those around you are causing you to be the way you are and if you can just find a way to change them to what you need them to be then you could also change yourself for the better. Wouldn't that all be great if it worked that way?

It seems logical that if your partner was just how you think they should be then the relationship would be better and everyone would be happier. 

What is wrong with that way of thinking or blaming? It is limiting to you, the very one suffering. That may not be logical but it is true and you are doing just that continually and with out fail. You are transferring your own powers for self improvement and correct on to anther person unqualified to help you.

You remove your own power to help yourself which is the only way you can truly be helped in a genuine way.

When you look to others for help and to make you feel better you restrict the ability you would naturally have to self offer it.

Many people do this in other areas of their lives as well. It is not always about just the way they look toward an actual person in their life but many times it makes up the entirety of the person as they can learn to look to all things as blameworthy.

Example- Things will be better when I have a new job, new living situation, new partner, etc. all that you are doing is removing the power from where it should be and handing it over to the hands of fate without addressing what is happening inside of you and why you are doing what you are doing.
 
There are other negative side effects to what you are doing which you may not be aware of that can also make things worse in ways you have not even comprehended. Within the confines of your habitual blaming perspective you are constantly communicating subconsciously to the other person that they are somehow they are less then they should be and causing them to more and more perceive themselves as inferior and perhaps actually responsible for this blame that you are projecting. They do not deserve this even if they are flawed in other ways. In the end they may actually try to change for you but as this was truly not where your problems actually were in the first place even you get what you through you initially wanted it will never be enough. So blame and making the other person feel less can come and will come back to you.

You are giving offering them ultimately a tainted love. It is tainted with the condition that they must constantly work toward and remain focused on what you think they should be in order to fully receive your love and acceptance. This is absolutely an unbalanced way to exist in relationship and doomed to failure, or doomed at the very least, to not being all that the relationship could be.

So much of what we do and so much of our learning as children is gained by what we learn from our parents as they learned from their parents before them and so on. This cycle of searching for answers outside of ourself will continue until something disrupts the cycle. Many times it is the end of the relationship. If you are looking for answers thank goodness you can claim the credit.

When we operate so much outside of the realm of what we can control we allow negative physiological reactions to fester and grow that can cause stress to our bodies, which react by being fatigued, not being as strong, and storing fat along with a number of other symptoms.  As we continually foster actions such as these which are unhealthy and hurtful, our own emotions start and anything we actually do have with in yourselves that ever once was positive can start to transform and ultimately become negative.

Many are not even aware that there are other choices, because this has been your only perspective for so long that it has never even occurred to you to think there could be more choices. Such many behaviors that originate from the dim conscious are automatic. Self analysis can lead to discovery that can help you to design tools beyond the ones I offer initially and also allow you to discover and perceive counter perspectives that can rectify your problems.

Instead of blaming your partner for how you feel, the option is to look at why we think the way we do and look for ways to change that instead.

Once you identify how you blame you can create mental sign posts that will serve as reminders for you while you are in the transitional process of applying your new untested perspectives. Each time you see a sign post that you created for yourself you then have the power to pause and observe it while you can adjust your current course of action in real time. With some practice this becomes automatic.

Remember it is only the limitations of your perspective allowing your perception to perceive the problem of your hurt as coming from outside yourself.

As long as you are not being physically attacked the other person is incapable of hurting you in any way except the ways you allow them to. It is always and only your reaction to a given situation that causes you to allow a feeling of pain or faulty guidance to influence you. 

After stopping the automatic response you are so used to allowing for yourself of feeling hurt and pain, the next thing that you do is to think about what just happened. It will be so normal for you to feel as though the hurt came from outside you when really it came from within.

Instead of blame you are now empowered to tweak the actual controls that you posses with in your power to make yourself however you want yourself to be. It is only a matter of trial and error until you learn to tweak them to allow yourself happiness and the ability to gain a heightened conscious and mentality that will guide you through this problem and also on through all others that may await you.